feliz navidad

Well first of all, merry christmas and a happy new year to you all.

I don't know about you guys, but I fucking love christmas. I get on pretty well with my family, and most of my extended family, so christmas day and boxing are usually a fabulous time with much frivolity and drunkenness (and this year was no exception).

I may not have blogged today, but for two reasons: Firstly, I'm quite drunk and a little tired of shitty telly. Secondly, Ben was telling me the other night that I hadn't blogged in a while. I disagreed, but having looked at my previous posts, it has been over a month. So, for that and that alone, I am truly sorry.

I know that there are many of you (almost two) who depend on my blog for a regular update on how my life is going and how I am feeling about the whole situation. To that end, how am I feeling during this festive season? Well, the answer to that is that it's been a bit of a mixed bag: for the most part I have felt brilliant and have had a great time with my family. However, there have been moments of quiet reflection when I've thought about friends who have had a hard year and those who have lost people. One of my friends having lost their mother, another having lost her daughter, both quite recently. This is obviously a sobering thought and if those friends are reading this, then my thoughts and love are with you both. Perhaps selfishly however, this has lead me to think of my grandad (the only close relative I've lost) which has resulted in both laughter and sadness. It's strange how remembering someone we've lost can bring such a mixed bag of emotions, from laughing about their antics while they were still with us, to crying over the fact that they no longer are.

Anyway, this blog has become a little too deep and emotional for my tastes, and as I'm sure those who know me well will be fully aware, I am rubbish at emotional stuff. They will also be aware that around this time of year (and especially in the coming few days) I will be beginning my seemingly annual lament on the continuation of my apparent inability to find myself a woman with whom I can share my life, and the reasons behind this: my weight, the amount of time i spend away from home, my complete emotional paralysis, or perhaps just the fact that I'm a cunt? Who knows. It's one of lifes great riddles.

So, with that, I shall leave you all to continue your festive frivolity. I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year.